The Closed Doors
Dear Diary,
Over a period of time, he had lost the warmth in his voice. It happened so gradually that I didnt even discern it. His touch had grown cold. I dont remember if I had ever really noticed it. Suddenly one day, he was gone. Just like that. It didn’t shock me. It wasn’t as though I hadn’t anticipated it. Neither was it the first time that he had walked out on me. He had done it before. So many times that I had lost count. Only this time, I decided to close the doors behind him…
The fact that he was gone didn’t really need to sink in. I was kind of relieved that it was finally over. It wasn’t as if I didn’t cry though. I cried alright. But I think it was more because of the comfort I shared with him. Not the love. Our love was never the killing kind anyway.
It took me almost a month to collect all his things, box them and send them to his mother’s house, where I guessed he had moved. It was difficult at first as I soon realized. There were remnants of my broken relationship, waiting to be discovered in the damndest of places.
The underside of the sofe, where he stuck the chewing gum from his mouth, the first time we made love on it. The credit card offers that still have his name and my address on them. The courtyard wall that we had painted red with our own hands. The holes in my favourite bed sheet that he accidently burnt with his cigarette. He was everywhere in my life, even though I couldn’t see him anymore.
He had not really left.
Life was getting normal anyhow, and I was fast learning to live without him.
Shopping for one was always much easier. At least I wouldn’t have to buy two different toothpastes. A red gel for him and a green one for me. And of course, I had more space for my toilette in the dresser. No more cigarette smoke hanging in the air. I wouldn’t have to make half as much pasta. Actually I’m not sure of that one!
I wouldn’t of course have to worry about the incessant cuts and bruises from meaningless brawls that he always seemed to be getting into.
I could enjoy my afternoons. Thank god there would be no one to disturb me from my much needed siestas. No foolish lovemaking anymore. And then I would have all the time in the world for myself.
But then again… there would be no one to tell me I’m beautiful, in the middle of the night. There would be no one who would need me in the middle of the day with an urgency which was almost funny. And there would be no one who would be hungry all the time. Who am I going to cook for? I would always wake up to find the newspaper neatly folded without the crosswords solved. There would be no one to fight with and yell at. There would be no one walking out of the house slamming doors.
Now that he’s gone, I wonder who will bring chaos to my stupid mundane life.
Wait a minute… There’s someone at the door…
- Neha
anirudh says:
….:sad:
April 6th, 2006 at 02:56 pm
Varun Sud says:
WOW!!!
U write so well…
Its such a wonderful feelin findin u on orkut today n then readin this beautiful piece..
Something so simple yet so touchin.
April 7th, 2006 at 02:13 am
Bhuvan says:
Oh, to be loveless again
!
Interesting writing, Neha.
PS - I’m the same “michelangelo”, from strwaberry fields forever (prufrock.myaiesec.net). First time on your blog, impressive writing i must say.
April 7th, 2006 at 07:53 am
Neha says:
OH MY GOD!!! Varun Sud! I havent seen you in… 7 years! and you are like the MOST intelligent guy I have ever known! Boy AM I GLAD OR WHAT???
April 7th, 2006 at 02:07 pm
Neha says:
Thanks Bhuvan… I did visit your blog, though i suppose you are not very regular on yours too
cheers!
April 7th, 2006 at 02:08 pm
ivahdam says:
i quite like!!
i wish you had ended the story with..
“to my stupid mundane life.”….the abrupt ending seems very interesting!
but then, its your story!!
April 8th, 2006 at 12:03 am
raghav says:
“I wanted to be cruel, only to be kind,
thus bad begins, and worse remain behind”
- William Shakespeare
April 8th, 2006 at 09:53 am
Neha says:
ivahdam, Thanks… You see, I expect him back any moment. Every knock brings newer anticipations… and renews the fervour, almost feverish now, with which I wait.
Raghav, you are right. The worse is behind. the bad begins now.
April 10th, 2006 at 02:19 pm
nehera says:
imigod i was like so sad when i read this bcause it was sad. i like was like getting sentimental. ur a great writer u should write a book about somone like making love with different people throughout the whole book:!::?::!:jk
October 5th, 2006 at 06:53 am