An Interview On TV
Interviewer: You lived life with a big ‘L’.
Mervin: And sometimes I suffered pain with a big ‘P’. Like when I met this terrible agent. This lady producer, she said, “I’m having this surprise party.” I got the surprise when I got there, I can tell you. Carrying on like that. It was disgraceful, like that film about Gomorro and that other place, you know. A tower of babell there, it was full of beatniks with long sideboards full of drink. No, I mean the side… they had sideboards, it was full of drink. Some of the men was just as bad. I tell you, there, I tell you there was witches there, they were practicing witchcraft. Not just lady witches but men witches, they had men witches there.
Interviewer: Warlocks.
Mervin: It’s true, I tell you. There… there was men witches there.
Interviewer: Warlocks. Male witches.
Mervin: Oh, I see, yes. They said to me… they said, “She’s waiting for you in her den.” So, of course, I went straight in.
Interviewer: You’re really taking an awful chance. I mean you’re really very attractive.
Mervin: (smugly) I know. Well I thought I’d be all right, because everyone said she was a Lebanese. When I got in there she was all dressed up in this like leather gear, you know. And she said, “Here, put that on,” and she give me a Russian army officer’s uniform, and give me a copy of the TV times and said, “Hit me with it.”
Interviewer: She was a masochist!
Mervin: Well she spoke fluent English, I tell you. Well I come out of there and these like witch people, they was all like stood around, you know, and they said there was kind of a symbolic sacrifice. They was gonna go out and get an eighteen-year-old virgin.
Interviewer: Where was this?
Mervin: Chelsea.
Interviewer: Ah.
Mervin: That’s what I thought, some hope, you know. Anyway, then they all started looking at me.
Interviewer: And what steps did you take?
Mervin: Bloody long ones, I tell you. I was out of there like a shot.
-Benny Hill
Tags: The Benny Hill Show, British Comedy
Jack Yan says:
Benny Hill is the best! God bless him and those many creations such as Mervyn Cruddy.
May 20th, 2006 at 12:05 pm