Kurt Cobain’s Suicide Note
To Boddah:
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community had proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example, when we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begin, it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.
I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy,
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I love you, I love you!
- Kurt Cobain
Tags: Kurt Cobain, Suicide, Nirvana, Courtney Love
dolphin says:
I think it’s time i wrote one too…
March 17th, 2006 at 09:18 am
GnnaDiSumdyYRushIt says:
I already wrote a note but I figured with my luck, I probably wouldn’t do it right and end up paralyzed from the neck down. Not only would I be worse off but I would be unable finish what I started. And since I would immobile the chance of accidental death like car accident etc. would be eliminated so my only hope would be death by natural causes. Again, my luck I would live to be over 100. In considering all the above, I concluded that my life ain’t so bad after all, and Kurt was right, it is better to party every night and be a burnout
than to fade away without sex or drugs
July 21st, 2006 at 07:45 am
Heidi Stane says:
gee courtney love..the last few lines aren’t in the same handwriting as mr. cobain..strange coincidence..
-heidi
September 22nd, 2006 at 02:44 am
KENNETH WALTON REEDY says:
I AM COMPELLED TO PUT THIS TO PRACTIAL USE AND NOT WASTED …THIS AIR WE ALL ARE IN IS INFESTED WITH WHAT WAS PERCIEVED BY KURT BUT HATED AS WELL..ITS PREY WE HAVE BEEN SHOWN….
September 23rd, 2006 at 06:06 pm
KENNETH WALTON REEDY says:
WISEMEN ARM THEMSELVES WITH TASTEFUL AND ELAGANT ERUDITION ITS LIKE A A KNOWLEGE OR AWARENESS OF WHAT IS GOING ON NOT COMMON BUT LIKE AN EXPERT.tHET POSSSESS A COPIOUS STACK OF WITTY AND WISE SAYINGS11…NOBLE DEEDS,KNOWING HOW TO USE THEMON PROPER MATTERS OF THOUGHT OR OCCASIONS/// OFTEN I FEEL CONSUMED THAT MORE IS BEING TAUGHTBY JEST THAN SERIOUSNESS.pAT KNOIWLEDGE HELPS SOME MORE THAN THE HA 7 ARTS….BE THEY…SO LIBERASL
September 23rd, 2006 at 06:28 pm
KENNETH WALTON REEDY says:
SORRY MY TYPING IS SO SEEDY…I WAS A LIL HEATED …
September 23rd, 2006 at 06:42 pm
Neha says:
Thats alright Kenneth, no love lost.
September 24th, 2006 at 12:26 am
kenneth walton reedy says:
We live by information,not by sight.we exist by what some would call”faith”in others.The ear is the gateof truth but the front door of lies.The truth is generally seen,rarely heard;seldomdoes it come in elemental purity,especially from far away;there is alwayssome admixtureof the moods of those through whom it has passed.The passions tinge this truthwhenever it is said,sometimes favourably sometimes not.It always brings out the disposition,therefore recieve it with cautionfrom those that praise,with even morefrom those that blame.Be attentive to the intentions of the speaker,you we,should know on what footingit has come from.Let reflection assay falsity and exaggeration.@kwr 06
September 25th, 2006 at 02:05 am
Rachna says:
Who killed Kurt Cobain?????
obviously Kurt Cobain killed Kurt Cobain!!!!
He is a classic case of individual fighting against culture,trying to create a counter culture.His struggle against anything popular was reflected in his attempt to make esoteric music.But esoteric music and wide acceptance of masses don’t seem to be in tandem……so he choose the other way….of burning out rather than fading away
June 10th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Carrie says:
There are plenty of ways to prove that it was not a suicide. I.E He had taken such a large dose of drugs that he couldnt have picked the gun up from the distance it was at. The only way he could have done so was with his toes, when his body was found, he had both shoes on. There are plenty more, and sure, Kurt wasnt always happy and peple say that he had attempted suicide, but, there is far too much evidence to say it was a murder, not suicide. I know people don’t agree with me, but I have the facts and I dont really care about your oppinion on this topic if you disagree.
July 1st, 2007 at 05:50 pm
Alex’s Arsenal » Kurt. grunge and me says:
[...] Posted by al3x on 16 Jul 2007 at 06:02 am | Tagged as: Musik, Personal Ada tulisan bagus dari blogwalking iseng malam ini. Tulisan tentang musik grunge dan (tentunya) Kurt Cobain dan Nirvana yang ada di blog ini. Dari sana aku mencoba mencari kembali catatan lama yang pernah kubaca, yang ‘konon’ merupakan suicide note-nya vokalis/gitaris yang mati muda itu. Dan ini catatan yang bisa kutemukan di blog ini: To Boddah: [...]
July 16th, 2007 at 04:34 am
Mencoba Bijak « radically poetic says:
[...] Mencoba Bijak 16 07 2007 Ada tulisan bagus dari blogwalking iseng malam ini. Tulisan tentang musik grunge dan (tentunya) Kurt Cobain dan Nirvana yang ada di blog ini. Dari sana aku mencoba mencari kembali catatan lama yang pernah kubaca, yang ‘konon’ merupakan suicide note-nya vokalis/gitaris yang mati muda itu. Dan ini catatan yang bisa kutemukan di blog ini: [...]
August 24th, 2007 at 10:33 am
Nik says:
you settle down dolphin!
September 4th, 2007 at 09:13 pm
Sebastian says:
wow. i loved this guy.
i still listen to them all the damn time.
love ya kurt
RIP
March 5th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
HannahLissyLina says:
well….
we rly shouldnt not have read that again, lil upsetting,
R.I.P
Kurt Cobain -x-
March 20th, 2008 at 04:41 pm
Heidi Stane says:
Hi-
This is the REAL Heidi Stane. Who the hell are you????????????????????
(heidi stane, sept. 22, 06)????
May 22nd, 2008 at 01:26 am
Kunal Goel says:
I’ve been trying to find the answer to that question for 2 years now.
May 27th, 2008 at 02:15 am