Remembrance

Dear Diary

It’s one of those days when you wake up with an ache in your head and a fever. There are places to go to. People to meet. Important people. Big people. And I find myself unable to even get out from the bed. My eyes are puffy, having cried myself to sleep again last night.

I never ever liked getting dressed. But I used to. For him. So that when he came home, tired from work and bitter from fatigue, he would find comfort in me. I haven’t painted my toe nails since he left. Or worn lip colour. Or looked like a woman.

What’s the use? Who cares? I for one, don’t.

I am a shy girl. No one knows that. I am so shy that for three days, I couldn’t look at him in the eyes. Or talk. Not that shy anymore.

My car has suddenly started having a mind of it’s own. It takes me to our secret hideout. The one where we stole so many secret smiles. And so many hushed kisses. And I stand, looking at the gaunt structure laughing at my face.

I clearly remember the last time he held me in his arms and told me he was the luckiest man alive. I remember the time he told me that I was just perfect. I remember the first time he called me sexy. And I remember the first time he kissed me. I forget everything else. Some times I even forget my own name.

I have been losing sleep. I feel like a stranger in my own home. I don’t know where mom keeps pickles anymore. Or where the iron is. I dont even know who my sister’s friends are. I have never seen or met them.
I dont know how many shots casper has had since last year.

I wonder if it’s a good habit. Always speaking out whatever is in your mind. I wonder if making someone the centre of your world is such a good idea. I wonder if people know that I was only a child when I became an old crone. I wonder if my pain brings pleasure to anyone.

Be quick to judge me, if you will. See if I care. It’s difficult, getting under my skin. It’s a tough job, being me. Or so I think.

I wonder how this day would unfold. I still carry the headache.

Neha

- Neha

Tags: dear diary, rememberance, sexy, crass

3 comments

1. madhavi says:

   =I
   we should meet ,you know..

   March 6th, 2006 at 10:34 am

2. madhavi says:

   memories and memories….u jus ne’er know, whether to be happy or sad about them..

   March 6th, 2006 at 05:54 pm

3. Dolphin says:

   hmmm…even i go thru the same when i am drunk….seriously love is overrated and thankless

   March 7th, 2006 at 09:11 am

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