Blackholes
I haven’t written for so long now that I’m almost afraid that the keys wont punch under my fingers and that they would suddenly have a mind of their own and write things that I didn’t intend in the first place. But comprehension, I believe, has never been a problem.
When something burns, a cloud of smoke lifts up to find its redemption amongst the blues of the sky. The things on fire keep turning to ash, sending more and more smoke to its redemption.
When everything settles down, there are still tiny embers hidden in the ashes, striving for their existance. Reminds me of some verse that I once wrote down…
“The embers of my fiery dreams
Buried in the Cold Cold dunes
Trying to breathe their fire
To keep the next Caravan Warm”
What is altruism? how can anyone be so loving as to keep sacrificing themselves for the good of someone else?
Some questions that have no answers. Why does a mother keep a baby in her womb for nine months, feed it with her blood, only to realize the child she bore, the one she so painfully brought to the world has nothing but spite for her?
Why does remorse follw wrong? why is there night after day?
Today in bed, sick, I felt acutely lonesome. Who am i? What am i?
Arundhati Roy would kindly tell me that I’m a girl shape hole in the universe and I will tell her that I’m a hole through which darkness seeps through slowly, like coal tar.
The world passes me by as I lie here, looking from the window, pale and sickly.
Strangers stared, some jeered, some just ignored and went by. All carrying the load of tired bodies and guilty souls and I, the black hole of this perforated universe, I kept on lying, anxious to get well and go away to neverland.
Life has become all about excuses. Who can give a better one? Me? Well I give the most unconvincing excuses.
It’s not that I’m not a good liar. I’m almost as good as they get. But when one becomes convinced that those lies are only a different version of the truth, one needs to stop and think.
All my life, I have lied to myself. I have told myself time and again that everything is alright and someday I will be free from all the lies. But that in itself is the biggest lie that I could have ever told myself.
Life can never be a win win situation. It’s like the two sides of a coin, it’s like light and shade. It’s funny how interesting observing people can be. I took up this task almost immediately after getting into college. Being alone most of the time gives me lots of time and opportunities to observe all kinds of behaviours and all sorts of people. All these years of observation has made one thing apparent. Joys and sorrows are all sudden. I mean one moment you are this really really happy person and the other moment something happens and you are no longer that. You change into someone else.
Unlike the laws of nature, where gradation takes place at slow rates, human nature has its own laws. I have seen a rock crumbling to pieces overnight. Human joys and sorrows reach peaks so quickly & their life spans are sometimes so short.
I wonder if we plotted this on a graph, what kind of figure would we get? All highs and lows, steep curves and slopes. Very erratic im sure.
So what happens? Is there a black hole, somewhere in this universe that comes and sucks up the joys and sorrows?
What a vivid black hole it would then be.
All the joys and sorrows of the entire world. I wonder if that blackhole would have hope in it…?
- Neha
Tags: philanthropy, giving up
anirudh says:
blowed me…:!:
January 27th, 2006 at 08:42 pm
Kunal Goel says:
excellent! welcome back neha, everyone was missing you!
January 27th, 2006 at 08:54 pm
ER@sUrf3R says:
There are a lot of goods and bads, ups and downs that we notice in this world. But giving up, just letting it go is an act of cowardice. One alone might not be able to do much good, but Be somebody. Play a role toward betterment of oneself and the world around…Things spread, the masses follow…Who matters is the one who can start that revolution toward a better, braver, life containing the truths and not the lies…Turn the illusion into reality. Do something. Thats what we live for….
January 28th, 2006 at 12:59 am
madhavi says:
give give give give…and more give…..
arent we jus aid-ing the black hole suck us..each passing hour of our lives…?
January 28th, 2006 at 10:32 am
Dolphin says:
i have a friend whose every letter finishes with the line “Life is Waiting”, i am never sure whose life it is…was it hers or mine….
I believe life is all about the choices we make.if u want to be a black star, u can be or u can be a star too…it just depends on u..
January 28th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
shaleen says:
leave alone and be unknown? isnt that what you wish my dear. well, then what is the purpose of your life? to twitch and just stop twitching or to twitch, move, walk and then run and then twitch again. enjoy your pains for they are there to provide variety. happiness alone would be well…quite dull. tell me if anyone agrees with me or will everyone call ma kahlil gibran’s madman?
February 1st, 2006 at 05:03 pm
Neha says:
no… i do not think i have written of pain here shaleen. Read between the lines. its all rhetorical. Like a person talking to herself. Wondering abt the greater universe. How is it for people… other than you and me? Pain is seen differently. Felt differently. All do not have the sense to enjoy the nuances.
February 1st, 2006 at 05:16 pm
shaleen says:
loneliness, uncertainty then if u insist on calling them anything but pain. wouldn’t want to blast any shells here. so will shut up now. good piece though.
February 1st, 2006 at 05:22 pm
kapil says:
well i feel its reality.we should accept it as it comes.remember happiness is in doing simple things and enjoying.
February 21st, 2006 at 02:58 pm