Paranoia
Its no use. He had once told me. I was puzzled then. I was in awe. Of him. It does not matter. I remember his words today and feel ashamed. I live in the present and yet run to the past at every opportunity. He remains, in a corner of my heart. A crooked line along all those concentric circles. I lean on him when I’m too tired. I fiddle with his golf ball. It has faint ink marks on it. A name. Scribbled. With love.
Love. It’s no use. It does not matter. It’s a hoax. A four lettered rumour that has the world going crazy. what makes me sad? What makes me feel lonely? Ungodly?
Love.
I resent it. Beause it eludes. Sour grapes perhaps.
Don’t Fall Away. Don’t Leave Me to Myself. Love. Flashes of him. Him Whom I loved. Him who never really loved me. Love.
I make a drink and raise a toast to him. He does not know it. He is too busy washing my scent off him. I go gently into the cool night. while he erases my memories to make space for new ones.
Love. Left me for dead. Grudges? I keep none. But I do not forget. I feel sorry. He mistakes it for forgiveness.
Love. Blind. Contagious. Contagious blindness. Incapacitation. I can’t see. I can’t feel. Numb. Vulnerable. Cold. I feel nothing. No love. No hate.
Only a white noise. Silent into the night.
- Neha
Tags: paranoia
Kunal Goel says:
He mistakes it for forgiveness!
good post!
January 15th, 2006 at 03:19 pm
anirudh says:
may b u shud b tryin apage..if thats how its spelt correctly…..read the alchemist for refrence….
January 15th, 2006 at 08:04 pm
Kunal Goel says:
apage? which language?
January 16th, 2006 at 12:14 am
anirudh says:
dude thats a form of love…read the alchemist by paulo cohelo !
January 16th, 2006 at 12:52 am
Kunal Goel says:
haha
January 16th, 2006 at 01:46 am
Dolphin says:
Sometimes it does get difficult to breathe. Doesn’t it?
January 16th, 2006 at 10:46 am
mark says:
ive got more white noise than i can handle
January 16th, 2006 at 01:08 pm
mark says:
i think you all mean agape
January 16th, 2006 at 04:31 pm
Neha says:
i didnt much like alchemist. though i really liked 11 minutes.
January 16th, 2006 at 05:09 pm
madhavi says:
now that we r on the subject…hmm…i preferred valkyrees…!
January 16th, 2006 at 05:51 pm
Neha says:
hmmm. never read that one. never even heard of it
guess ive been wasting my time.
January 16th, 2006 at 06:07 pm
Anusha Mujumdar says:
Are you in love with Kunal?
January 16th, 2006 at 08:34 pm
Kunal Goel says:
oh yes I love a girl named Anusha, she makes life worthwhile.
January 16th, 2006 at 09:33 pm
Isaiah says:
Crappy persons, all.
January 17th, 2006 at 12:44 am
Neha says:
good god Anusha! what would give you that idea!!!???
January 17th, 2006 at 10:36 am
Ajay Damodaran says:
there is love in the air!!! neha, are you getting the scent of it???
January 27th, 2006 at 02:42 pm
Neha says:
Some one once said to me ‘I’m spoilt for love’ i told him there’s nothing like it, but it makes more sense to me. Im abdicating love. it can only bring pain… Spinsters of the world, let me come join you!
January 27th, 2006 at 03:30 pm