Like you were used to…
The blue black car is parked in the lot. That means he is at home. You stealthily climb the stairs up to his apartment. Like you were used to. It’s been a while since you’ve come to him.
Back where it all started. Back to the demons that drove you away. Back knocking on the same door. The door that repulsed you. That drove you to tears. That you shut up yourself one day. And left. Never to come back.
Tonight you are knocking on it. Slowly. Two raps. Like you are used to. You can’t stand. You are so tired. You feel your body tensing up with awkward anticipation. Him. His face as he opens the door.
Its been a while since you have seen him. Smelt him. He came to you. To take you back into his life and you drove him away. Away. Thinking that you will be strong. But tonight you are weak. Vulnerable. You can’t be strong tonight. You want to weep. In his arms. Falling down, every time you try to stand up. No songs for tonight. Just a faint strum of spanish guitar. That someone once played on a cold winter campfire. The door opens.
He is standing. He has been waiting for you. He knew you’d be back. But you dont run into his arms. Like you were used to. He sees the dark in your eyes. And takes your face in his hands. To bring your lips to his.
You know you are lost. To life. You who never gave up. You are done for. There is no way you are coming out of there without getting destroyed.
You have submitted yourself to your awaiting doom. He will destroy what is left of you. You know. But you are just too tired. You want to be loved and tonight you would be… Loved.
- Neha
Tags: love
Neha M says:
*wow* I’m glad i’m not the only one who feels like that
December 15th, 2005 at 04:01 pm
Dolphin says:
There have been days i wish this happen could happen to me.Tell me neha, will it be worth all the waiting for that one tap on the door?BTW i have a car which is black in color, her favourite
December 15th, 2005 at 09:51 pm
Chetali says:
Baby…i hope u dont react the same way when that happens in real life…thats a hope as well as a request…dont let him hurt u again…
December 16th, 2005 at 04:27 pm
Neha says:
Why would you wait for the tap. If you ve missed the point, let me tell you, its desperation that drove her to knock on that door. desperation never translated into love. and why settle for less? She gave up. because she was too weak. It works in fiction, but in real life, it only means one thing… annhilation.
December 16th, 2005 at 05:27 pm
dolphin says:
point noted
December 20th, 2005 at 09:26 pm
madhavi says:
hmmm…
December 21st, 2005 at 01:00 pm
Neha Mujumdar says:
This is beautiful, Neha. I still read it again and again, because its so evocative of the times I’ve walked up (now you know the staircase I’m talking about
), heart pounding. Like I was used to.
June 29th, 2006 at 08:44 pm
Buy Soma says:
Buy Soma…
Buy Soma…
February 19th, 2007 at 11:37 am