Conversations
“What are you scared of?” He asks me…
I smile. He doesn’t want to know. He wants to hear good things. The truth is not a very good thing. So I keep mum. He asks me again. This time more affectionately. I wish I could feel something. That I could feel the warmth that he obviously wants me to feel. But I do not. It’s not that I dont intend to. I try. But its difficult. To feel the texture of his hair. My hands are burnt. I look at them. Beautiful white and pink. He takes them in his hands and brings them to his lips.
“They are beautiful” he tells me. They are burnt. I don’t feel his lips as they press to my skin. My hands are burnt. They are burnt. They are burnt…
He looks at me quizzically. “Neha? something wrong?”
Nothing… Everything… I am scared of you… Why? I do not know… I ought not to be… but I am… I am paranoid… Forgive me…?
He is still looking. Waiting for me to say something. Waiting for me to say what he wants me to. I stay mum still… because I do not talk much. I look away. It hurts to look at him. Because he is so nice. And i am not. Cold. They tell me… Cold. Dead cold. Maybe I am cold. I am cold. Burnt and cold…
He has given up. He is looking away. Maybe he is wondering if he should leave. Maybe he is wondering if he should ever come back to this mute. Maybe he will not come back… Maybe he will… It doesnt make any difference. I watch him as he gets up to leave. Wearing his shoes and socks… He takes one look at me and sighs. We have been through this so many times that it has become almost a routine.
“Bye Neha…”
Leaves me to go to wherever he can find life… and I sit back again… looking out of the window, to find some of my own…
May be I will live again… someday…
-Neha
Tags: lies, truth, routine, change, lonliness, solitude, aloneness
Kunal Goel says:
damn this story plays with the heart of the reader.
November 9th, 2005 at 04:49 pm
Arun says:
makes more sense than it should…lolz
November 9th, 2005 at 10:27 pm
harsh says:
life is mechanical isnt it… the hands of the clock doth turn.. and shall return to where they began from twice in a day… is a day a life… do things happen in cycles and repeat… !? :-S
November 10th, 2005 at 11:41 am
Neha says:
Change can be isochronal sometimes. so much so that it becomes routine. Cycles… Oh… what is this life then if not but a cycle?
November 11th, 2005 at 01:48 am